September 5th, 2008
It was the night before my (doomed) wedding. The night where a woman should be surrounded by her bridesmaids eating ice cream and dreaming about the future while watching romantic comedies and drinking wine until all of her nerves faded away.
Sadly, none of my wedding party was able to be there that night. Something that hurt me to my core, but I understood their circumstances. I think in the back of my mind I knew the marriage wasn't meant to be. My anxiety was through the roof. I was in tears. I just wanted to take my mind off of all of it and fast forward to the alter. It was the night before the most important day of my life and I was miserable.
Mom to the rescue. I pretended I wanted to be alone and that I was fine. She wasn't having it. She drew me a bath, poured me that glass of wine and made sure I had enough bubbles.
"Don't come out until you're relaxed."
Meanwhile she slaved in the kitchen creating my bouquet. Cutting stems and tying ribbon. She had already sewn dresses for all of my bridesmaids as well as altered them. She had created a beautiful arbor of sunflowers and shimmering fabric for us to say our vows under the next day. She had made my garter and the corsages and the centerpieces.
Looking back, she must have been so stressed. But she didn't show it. I know she knew the wedding was a mistake. But she put 100% of her love and time into making sure my day was perfect in hopes that my future would be as well.
I'm not sure what point of the night she asked me if this was what I really wanted, but she did. And I said yes. And she left it at that. She knew me well enough to know I was going to do what I wanted. She'd picked me up enough times before. And that's what she did. She always supported my decisions. She always picked up the pieces once they shattered. She always loved me through the tears and the messes.
She still does.
My mom got me through that night of jitters. She directed my wedding party and the family and the guests and the photographer as the wedding day progressed. All while looking breathtakingly beautiful in her dress and makeup. She was proud of me. It showed in her smile. Regardless of what the outcome may have been.
The memory may not be the most pleasant. The reflection could be filled with regret and sadness over a life I'll likely never lead. But my mom taught me to live life sans regret. To take those painful moments and learn from them. To grow from them.
Almost ten years later and I'm still growing every day. I'm still making the wrong choices and Mom is still picking up the pieces. But through all of the poor decisions and life-altering experiences I've had one thing remain constant. Her friendship. Her courage. Her support. And most importantly her love.
She believes she was placed on this earth to give birth to me. And she has spent my life proving it.
My Mom is the epitome of what a Mother should be. And for that, I'll be forever grateful.