The Top Things that Stress Out Santa

Stressed Out Santa


Stress levels for many of us soar at Christmastime . . . and that includes jolly Old St. Nick.  Here are The Top Things that Stress Out Santa.

  •  Being harassed the other 364 days of the year by his doctor over his body mass index.
  •  Figuring out how to make the elves union rep casually disappear.
  •  People that see that giant beard and say, "Loved you in ZZ Top!"
  •  Mrs. Claus finding out that he left $130,000 in an envelope in Stormy Daniels' stocking.
  •  Starbucks' baristas always writing "SATAN" on his drink cup.
  •  Leaving a doll for a little girl . . . and being accused of reinforcing outdated gender norms.
  •  Global warming turning his pad into a lake house.
  •  Having people confuse him with that JERK Santa from "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer".
  •  Apple stealing his business model of making small people build things for very little pay.
  •  Oh just the fact that a VR headset is SLIGHTLY more complicated to build than a wooden rocking horse.
  •  That whole delivering-presents-to-a-billion-houses-within-24-hours thing.
  •  Jeff Sessions constantly calling to see if there are any openings in his workshop.
  •  Blitzen and his gastrointestinal issues.
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